Jacked up Avatar!
by WaterDragonGSP
Summary: Get you daily dose of Vitamin P here. What's Vitamin P? VITAMIN PARODY! :D Jet episode is up.
1. Chapter 1 The Avatar Returns

Welcome!!!

This is my first storee ever!!

okay just to let you know…

this is a seriously jacked up parody.

No one made one, so I just decided to do it!!!

Enjoy!

Sokka: Katara, Watch closely as I show you how a real man catches fish!

Katara: Sokka, why are we doing this? We have plenty of fish at home!

Sokka: Cause the stupid writer is making us. (looks up at sky) YEAH I'M TALKING TO YOU TAYLOR!!! COME ON!!! I'D RATHER FLIRT WITH MY IMAGINARY GRILFRIEND!!!

A giant pencil come out of the sky and erases Sokka's spear, and replaces it with a banana

Sokka: F you.

Katara: Hey this is TV Y7! You can't say that!!!

(grabs banana out of Sokka's hand and eats it)

Sokka: And you call THAT TV Y7???

Katara: You have a sick, sick mind.

Sokka: Yepperz!!! (pssst, that's my own word!!!)

And then all of a sudden, a giant iceberg pops out of the water!

Katara: ZOMG!!!

Sokka: What's that suopposed to mean?

Katara: It's like oh my god, but with a Z in front of it.

Sokka: Why the Z??

Katara: Cause Z is a sexy letter!!!

Sokka: okay…..

Iceberg : HELP ME!!!

Sokka: OH MY GOD!! DID YOU HEAR THAT!

Katara: There's someone trapped in that iceberg!!

Sokka: no! I just heard something, inside my head. Like a headache with pictures!

Katara: an idea…

Sokka: YEAH! We need to open it up, and sell the guy fro ransom money!

Katara: okay, what are we going to open it with? I know! Let's use my waterbending!

Sokka: No, no, no. Let's just chisel away the ice with my club for a few days.

(a few days later)

Katara: Sokka, do you think this is really worth it? We've been at it for days!

Aang: (behind iceberg) hehehe, they are stupid. But wait! gushy love music plays in the background Oh my god!!! I think I'm in love!!! That water tribe civilian, sooo hot, I love the way his ponytail sticks out on his head! But wait! I am in love again!!! That girl, oh my god!!! Oh! I have an idea! I'll burst out of the iceberg and pass out! That will show her how manly I am!!!

(puts plan into action!!)

Katara: Oh look! A passed out kid in the snow!

Sokka: Oh! Children are worth twice as much!!!

Katara: He's knocked out! (Lifts Aang's head up) come on little kid. Don't be afraid, were just a bunch of kidnappers is all!

Aang: peeps open eyes. Come closer. _Ohh! Perfect distance for French kissing! Nah,_ _I'll save that for later!_ Will you go make out with me?

Katara: What is your name???

Aang: Aang, baby!

Katara: Nope, that's the farthest distance from Z that your gonna get! Sorry!

Aang: WHAT??!?!!

Sokka: Shut up Katara, and let's just take this brat to the village!!!

Hmm, Katara and Sokka as Kidnappers…. I kinda like it!


	2. Chapter 2 The Avatar Returns part 2

Kk guys.

That last one was crappy cause my little star thingies weren't working. TT

Now I know to use parentheses!!!

Learning is a part of life children!!!

…..

Katara: Yo Village! Look who we got for Ransom!

Sokka: Ya we're gonna be rich FO shizzle!

Aang: Why are you two talking like that?

Sokka: Cause stupid writer forgot to turn off the OCC button, word up!

Me: Oops, sorry. (Turns off OCCs)

Sokka: Oh thank god!

(Giant firenation ship approaching South Pole, and No one knows until it smashes up against the Ice!)

Katara: What the (beep) was that!

Zuko: (wearing lots of bling)YO! Whazzup South Pole!

Sokka: Dude, Taylor turned off the OCC button.

Zuko: What! I came here hoping for a rap battle! (takes off bling) Now what am I going to do with this!

Sokka: OOOH SHINY!!! (Drools)

Katara: Well you can use that to buy this kid we found! (Pushes Aang towards Zuko)

Zuko: Hey look you're the avatar!

Sokka: NO (bleep)IN WAY!!!

Katara: Aang why didn't you tell us?

Sokka: Yeah! (to Zuko) This changes everything!

Aang: So you're not going to hand me over to the firenation, thus leading to the destruction of the world as we know it!

Sokka: No! This raises the price about, oh lets see, 100000 gold pieces!!!

Zuko: Sorry, My uncle already wasted that money on tea.

Katara: (Curiously) Hey, what's your name?

Zuko: (Fanfare music in the background) I am Prince Zuko of the Firenation!

Katara: (drooling) Z….. _OH MY GOD YOURE HOT!!!! Wait, I should say that out loud!_

Sokka: HEY! GET BACK HERE WITH OUR SLAVE!!! (ship leaves) AW! (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep)!!!!

Katara: GET BACK HERE!!!! YOU ARE HOT!!

Sokka: We have to get him back!

Katara: Yeah! But how?

Sokka: Hey look a giant monster that we can steal!

Appa??????

(a few minutes later)

Sokka: GO FASTER YOU DUMB ANIMAL!!!


	3. Chapter 3 The Avatar Returns part 3

Wow

Wow.

It's been a LOOOONG time hasn't it!

Well.

I'm finally back pplz!

:)

…..

Katara: Sokka, you have been jumping up and down on that things head for about 17 mins and 2.5 seconds. Will you give it up?

Sokka: (Still jumping) NO! Shut up Katara! You are just PMSing again aren't you? You know what? I'm not listening to your (bleep) (bleep) anymore!

Appa: ( beings to fly_) well, the bleeps sounded like yip yip, and I am getting immense bruises on my cranium from this inept civilian's osculating, I might as well give this poor bloke a break._

Sokka: HA! See? I am always going to be right!

Katara: (raises middle finger)

_Meanwhile… back at the Bat cave… I mean Zuko's ship_!

Zuko: What is this stick thingy, Avatar?

Aang: That is my staff that I use for air bending. It's very old and was handcrafted by the monks of the Southern Air Temple! It really means a lot to me seeing as it's the last thing I have from my destroyed culture….

Zuko: Yeah… I'm just going to use this to beat open piñatas when I get home.

Aang: TT

Zuko: Uncle, put this in my room since I'm about to call my friend!

Iroh: Fo shizzle. Why you trippin Zuky?

Zuko: (sigh) Sorry, uncle, there was no rap battle at the South Pole.

Iroh: Aw, Crap. ( takes staff to Zuko's room)

Zuko: ( whips out razer) Hey Mario! How's Princess Peach? What... Oh no! ... When did this happen? For Bowser? But I thought…. Can there be divorces Mario? .. Wait, What? (GASP) Luigi too! What is her problem? ... Your Moustache? ... She hated your accent? ... Well, Mario… Mario! ... MARIO! CALM DOWN!!... Look I'm almost home, can you stop your crying until I get there?...ok… ok… NO! THE TOADS AREN'T MEANT FOR HOMICIDE!!... just stay there Mario!.. I'll be there soon! ( hangs up)

Aang: LOOK! IT'S APPA!

Zuko: WTF?? 00

Aang: Hey Zuuuuko, that's your name right? Hey can you hang out over here while I get my staff? (leaves)

Zuko: Um… ok.

Katara: SEXY Z MAN!! ( runs to Zuko)

Zuko: Oh… Crap. ( runs away)

Sokka: Run Zuko run! She's gonna rape you!

Aang: Hey guys I'm back! ( GASP!) Katara my love! Why are you chasing him?

Zuko: (crying) HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Katara: I… love…. You!

Aang: (Grabs Katara and drags her to Appa) Come on you unfaithful……

Katara: (drooling) zuuuuuuuuuuuuuuko!!

(They Fly away)

Iroh: Hey Zuko… didn't you need that kid to restore your honor and your father's love, so you can eventually become the full fledged fire lord that you were destined to be from childbirth?

Zuko: Yeah, I would have… but that girl! In My next plan, I am going to shoot her!

Iroh: (GASP!) This is TV Y7 Zuko!

Zuko: Oh you watch me do it! I will put an end to her! And her… ( shudders) obsessiveness.


	4. Chapter 4 The Southern Air Temple

Ok… those last few chapters were a little out of whack

Ok… those last few chapters were a little out of whack.

So…

Here's chapter 4: The Southern Air temple!

….

Aang: Ok guys, now were' coming to the Southern Air temple! This is where I used to live!

Sokka: So… why are we going here??

Katara: Oh! Is it to see if your culture is still alive after 100 years worth of butt whooping from the firenation?

Aang: Yeah… sure _Also, I left a box of porno magazines under my bed._

Sokka: Wow, I've never been to an air temple before… So did the monks perform a secret ritual, so that it's inhabitants can defy gravy??

Katara: Uhh…. Sokka, don't you mean gravity?

Sokka: NO! I read in the history scrolls that the Southern Air temple was once under the tyrannical rule of a bowl of rich…. creamy…. warm…. Oh crap now I'm hungry!!

Aang: Serves you right for bringing up the dark juicy times of the air nomads!

Katara: Hey! Is this it?

Aang: Yeah! Hey look Appa, were home!

Appa: _Oh thank heavens. I predicted that I would be contained with your infinite babbling with the tribal peasants. Now I am permitted to travel and take wing as I please!_

Sokka: Aang he's not going to answer you! Heh dumb animals!

Appa: Oh this is quite exasperating; I ever so wish I could throw him off of my back.

(They land)

Aang: PORNO HERE I COME! (Runs to his room)

Katara: OO wtf??

Sokka: Katara, he's a growing boy. And as a growing boy he's going through some changes. And as his kidnappers, we need to accept these changes and then sell him off as a male prostitute.

Katara: I guess your right Sokka.

Aang: (from his room) HEY WHERE DID MY PORN GO??

Katara: Hey look! A secret room! But… looks like you can only get into it by air bending… now who do we know that can air bend?

Sokka: Beats me, but with my come-and-go intelligence, I know how to open it! (aims booty towards the door) PLUG YOUR NOSE KATARA! ( rips a fart so huge that it opens the door)

Katara: (blinking from horror) Holy…(cough)… crap. (Faints)

Aang: (appears out of nowhere) ZOMG! Katara's unconscious body! Excuse me Sokka I'll be right back. ( starts to drag Katara off)

Sokka: HEY YOU PERVERT! That's my sister! You can't do that!

Aang: why not?

Sokka: Because she won't satisfy you! At our next stop, I'll get you a quality hooker!

Aang: (GASP) Oh sokka! You are the best kidnapper ever! (hugs)

Sokka: get off of me.

MEANWHILE…

Zhao: Zuko… you are telling me that Mickey mouse stowed away on your ship, attacked your crew with a giant spaghetti noodle, raped your captain, got drunk with Hercules and Cinderella, and drove your ship into destruction?

Zuko: You forgot the part where Tinkerbell masturbated on uncle's head.

Iroh: (twitching) So… much… GLITTER!!

Zhao: right… I'm beginning to think that the avatar is alive and you aren't telling me.

Zuko: Nuh uh!

Zhao: yeah. I don't even know why your father even let you out in public you freak.

Zuko: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me! ( sticks tongue out)

Zhao: How about a fireball to the face eh?

Iroh: OOOOHHHH! BURN!

Zuko: I challenge you to an Agni kai! Because I have so much luck with those!

BACK AT THE AIR TEMPLE….

Katara: (wakes up) Eh…where am I?

Aang: At the whore house! Welcome prostitute Katara!

Katara: AAAAAHHHHH!!

Sokka and Aang: HAHAHAHAHA!!

Sokka: That was too good! Did you see the look on her face!

Katara: Screw you guys! I'm going into this secret room! (walks in) hey.. look at all of these statue-people in a spiraly formation!

Aang: Hey... those must be the people that Monk Gyatso told be about!

Sokka: What do they do?

Aang: They punish you if you touch yourself at night.

Sokka: Ah! Perfect sense!... HEY LOOK A KITTY!

Momo:_ Fo shizzle?_

Sokka: KITTY FOOD! (Chases after Momo)

Momo: Aw _crap. This is whack yo!_ (runs away)

Aang: NO! I WANT TO RUB THE KITTY!! ( runs after them)

Katara: Yeah… just ditch me. I love you all too.

MEANWHILE…

(Zhao and Zuko take off their shirts, fan girls immediately forma around them.)

Iroh: Remember Zuko, when he throws fireballs, kick him in his own!

Zuko: I won't let you down Mario!

Zhao: Ok, just shut up and lets tango! ( Throws fireballs)

Zuko: Time for step one of my genius masculine plan! ( kicks Zhao I the nuts)

Zhao: ZOMG! HOLY CRAP!! AAARRRGGGHHH!! ( rolls around on the floor in pain)

Iroh: OOOOOHHHH! U JUST GOT PWNED!!

Zuko: Looks like I won!

Zhao: yeah but you have no balls! A freaking woman wouldn't have pulled that trick, even if I was going to rape her! Was I going to rape you Zuko? CERTINATLY NOT!

Zuko: I still won though ( sticks out tongue and goes back to his fixed ship)

MEANWHILE

Aang: Hey come back here kitty!!

Sokka: (panting) slow… down… much… Barbie drugs….

Aang: hey, kitty what did you find?

Momo: _It's a freaking skeleton of your Gyatso chump you dumbass._

Aang: oh no… it's Gyatso! Hey… what's in his hand…? (GASP!) HE STOLE MY PORN! (Goes into the avatar state.)

Katara: Hey.. why are all of these things glowing?

People around the world: THE AVATAR HAS RETURNED! YAY! DRUNK PARTY!

Sokka: oh no! AANG STOP! YOU ARE SCARING MY DINNER!

Momo: _please foo, what's scary is that you holdin me in this way you perv._

Sokka: CLAM DOWN AND I'LL GET KITTY TO TOUCH YOU IN WAYS YOUV'E NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BEFORE!

Momo: _HELL NAW!_

Aang: (calms down) Okay, let's blow this dump. I need to find some new porn anyway.

(they all leave)

Sokka: Hey Appa, I have the slightest feeling that were' forgetting something….

BACK AT THE AIR TEMPLE

Katara: HELLO? AANG? SOKKA? IF YOU ALL FORGOT ME, THEN I'LL WATERBEND THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!!


	5. Chapter 5: Warriors of Kyoshi

KK,

KK,

Here's the 'Girl power' episode.

Sokka's perspective for girls is not what feminists want... and they are more serious than portrayed in the show…..

X( well, there went my values.

…..

Sokka: Ah! Here we are Aang! Kyoshi Island! Home to the hottest Hookers in the entire earth kingdom!

Aang: Oh boy! I can't wait to lose my virginity!

Momo: _Perverts. This aint the way a gangsta rolls ya know what I'm sayin A-man?_

Appa: _Yes, indubitably, my primate chum!_

Momo: _YO! What that ova up in thur_? ( points out into the ocean)

( you see Katara riding on the huge Unagi)

Katara: GRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!

Sokka: Oh ( bleep)

Aang: RUN SOKKA! RUN TO THE WHORE-HOUSE!

(they run to the Kyoshi do-jo, or whateva)

Sokka: holy… crap… look at all of these prostitutes!

Suki: What the hell man! We aren't prostitutes, we are Kyoshi warriors!

Sokka: Yeah, right, then explain the hooker makeup!

Suki: ( cracks Sokka's arm)

Aang: This is really turning me on!

Kyoshi warriors: We will kill you.

Kyoshi Mayor Dude: (GASP!) What's going on! You can't mess around with my bitches!

Suki: HEY! We are NOT your bitches!

Kyoshi Mayor Dude: Sorry girls, I just got through with my 100 year old southern air temple porn. I'm a little… how you say… whacked up at the moment.

Aang: Hey that was MY porn!

Suki: Impossible, no one has been at the Southern Air Temple to get horny for 100 years!

Aang: Well, I'm the avatar! And I was frozen in an iceberg, and then I just, well got unfrozen!

Sokka: Yep, and we'll sell him to the highest bidder! Come on ladies! Unspoiled virgin avatar! He's ready for you!

Kyoshi Mayor Dude: Okay, well since He's the avatar, you can hang around some of the cutest virgins in the entire village!

Aang: Sweet.

Sokka: Hey! What about his owner!

Kyoshi Mayor Dude: Well, You can screw around with these bitches.

(leaves)

Kyoshis: ( crack knuckles)

Sokka: OK ladies, who's ready to take their top off?

Kyoshis: ( induce pain and suffering upon Sokka.)

Sokka: Ahhh! Bruises of love!

Katara: HOW ABOUT SOME MORE OF THOSE!!

Sokka: Suki! Suki! KILL ME PLEASE!!

Suki: eh, naw. Have at him Katara!

(Katara induces more pain upon Sokka)

MEANWHILE

Aang: Come on girls, and I'll show you me in a past life! (points to Kyoshi statue) DANG! I had some big jugs!

Koko: Why are you such a pervert Aangy?

Aang: Cause I said shaddup!

Koko: (mumbles) bastard.

MEANWHILE

Zuko: Hey uncle, I heard that the avatar was on Kyoshi island!

Iroh: Ah, yes! I lost my self-respect there!

Zuko: OO…. Umm ok. Well anyway, we need to get over there and find him!

Iroh: Oh wait! I need to get my porn and warm up first! ( walk away)

Zuko: What? Ok, I need to learn more about Kyoshi Island. ( grabs a brochure) Oh my. ( blushes)

MEANWHILE

Katara: Hey Aang, how's it going?

Aang: Well, if it isn't my main bitch! How's it going sweet cheeks? (gets slapped)

Katara: What happened to you?

Aang: How about I give you one of those slaps on your fine ass!

Katara: (is mortally offended) WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS!? I am going to teach you some manners you pervert! ( drags him away by the ear)

MEANWHILE

Sokka: Ok Suki, I guess this is NOT the way you roll.

Suki: Duh you idiot, I'm not some sex slave. I am a Kyoshi warrior and I can whip a man's butt any day of the week!

Sokka: Well, I do have a reputation of getting raped… can you show me some of your moves?

Suki:  I'd be glad to, if you promise not to stare at my chest anymore.

Sokka: (sigh) ok.

MEANWHILE

Katara: ( with dummy of a woman) Ok Aang, welcome to Man's Manners class 101. Now, tell me which parts of a woman that draw your eye….

Aang: Well, let's see here! Those fine jugs, ass and well, let's say the place of paradise!

Katara: (sigh) we have a lot of work to do!

MEANWHILE

Suki: Ok, remember, you do the eye gouge, pepper spray, and then the nutcracker to leave him crying.

Sokka: Ok… so that's eye cracker, pepper gouge, and nut spray?

Suki: Oh dear. No. Just kick the rapist in the groin and that's all you need to know!

Sokka: Thank you oh bi… I mean, Kyoshi Warrior Suki.

Suki: Oh Sokka! ( kisses)

Sokka: 

MEANWHILE

Zuko: Ok, here we are uncle!

Iroh: YAY! :D

Zuko: Ok, let's burn the dump down and find him.

Iroh: D: NO WAIT! WE MUST FIRST VISIT THE WHOREHOUSE!

Zuko: No uncle! No.

Iroh: Please?

Zuko: Fine…. ANYONE ELSE WANT TO GO?( all raise their hands)Ugh…. Fine, I'll just find him myself.

MEANWHILE

Katara: Ok Aang, I'll ask you one more time… What are the parts of a woman that draw your eye?

Aang: Well, I'd have to say her sparkling blue eyes, but what really gets me is her dazzling smile and warm personality!

Katara: Yay Aang! You did it! (rubs his head)

Far away: KABLOOM!!

Aang: Oh no! Zuko's destroying the town!

Katara: (twitch) Zuko? ZUUUUUUKKKOOOO!! ( runs towards the village)

MEANWHILE

Zuko: Alright avatar! COME OUT! Or I'm going to burn every single… uh… hooker here!

Suki: O no he didn't! (attacks)

Zuko: AAARGH!

Katara: Zuuuko! Iv'e been waiting for you!

Zuko: HOLY CRAP! ( pulls out M80 shot gun and shoots her in the head… the bullet bounces off. He does this about three more times before he gives up.)

Katara: Come here my love!

Zuko: No please! GET AWAY!!

Aang: Katara! Remember the steps!

Zuko: The avatar!

Aang: aw crap. ( runs)

Zuko: QUIT RUNNING! This armor is heavy, I can't run as fast!

Katara: I'll take it off and it won't be such a problem anymore!

Zuko: AAAAHHHH!! HELP ME!

Sokka: Time to use the nutcracker! ( kicks Zuko in the nuts, but since he was wearing armor, all that does is break his toe) OOOOOWWWIEEE!!

Zuko: Ha, ha, ha. That's all I have to say!

Aang: You'd better leave Zuko! Or I'll take off your pants and send Katara after you!

Zuko: OK! Bye Bye! UNCLE! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON AND LET'S GO!

Iroh: Aw… (zips up fly)

( the firenation ship sails away)

Sokka: Yay! You did it Aang!

Katara: Aw! Sexy Fire Candy is gone 

Suki: Ok Sokka, my phone number is 405-WHORE

Sokka: but… I thought…

Suki: (sigh) I didn't get to choose the number.

Sokka: Thanx Suki, I'll remember you always! (kisses and gets on appa)

Suki: CALL ME!

….

That was horrible to write.

I think I'm getting a migraine.


	6. Chapter 6:The King of Omahu

OK

OK

Hip hip hooray!

This chapter will NOT be perverted :D

And an unexpected guest will show up! (Who could it be??)

…….

Sokka: (sigh) I miss Suki.

Aang: ( sigh ) I miss my porn.

Katara: Well, Aang. You'd better stop missing your porn or else I'll have to give You Man's Manners ANVANCED CLASS!

Aang: (gulps) Wow, that just scared my puberty into 3 years of delay… Well, were' coming up to Omashu! The friendliest city in the entire world!

Omashu Soldier: Hey ( bleep)face! Why are you bringing your ( bleep)in (bleep)ty cabbages here! This is (bleep) in Omashu you dumbass! You (bleep)in dishonor the (bleep)in King! You (bleep)in disgust me!

Aang: See! They are so friendly that they censor the profanities of the scalawags!

Katara: Wow, I'm impressed!

Sokka: But Aang, how are we going to get in there? I don't think you want people to realize that you are the avatar!

Aang: Hmm, you've got a point! ( scratches bald head) wait.. I think I'm getting it! ( rubs bald head) almost… ( massages bald head) Wow, if only I had something to warm this bald head of mine! I'd sure be able to think a lot better! I mean look at Appa over there! He's covered in hair! He must be very smart!

_Appa: Well, I'm quite flattered! But actually the intelligence quotient is not measured by the fur you have on your membrane!_

Katara: Aang why don't you use some of Appa's hair to cover your arrow, and pose as an old man! You are actually 112 years old anyway!

Aang: That's a great idea! In fact there are some loose hairs around the rump! I'll yank some off of there!

_Appa: OO Oh dear! Oh dearest Aang, please don't wound me in such a way!_

_Momo: Aw Dang Dawg! That ain't how a gangsta rolls yo! I'm pitying you A-man!_

Aang: (RRRRIIIP!)

_Appa: Oh…. Dear… ( trickle tear)_

Sokka: Ah, doesn't feel good to be out with the old, in with the new? A fresh new slate for your behind!

_Appa: Not….. really…._

Katara: Aw look at you Aang! You look so…. Old and unattractive!

Aang: I haven't even put on the costume yet!

Katara: Oh… right.

(they walk over to the gate)

Omashu Soldier: State your (bleepin) name.

Aang: Mr. Yomommasuglyfacewiththequestionablemolewiththethinyhairssproutingoutofit! And these are my beloved grandchildren, Douschebag and Daterape!

Sokka and Katara: TT

Omashu Soldier: Wow, you guys are a bunch of queers; the king would sure like you! Ok, you're in! ( open's gate)

(they enter)

Aang: Wow! It's Omashu! Me and my best Pal Bumi used to hang around here all the time!

Remembering Bumi….

Bumi: Hey Aang! Let's snort this crack I found by the whorehouse!

Aang: Aw Bumi, You're a mad genius!

Not remembering Bumi anymore!

Aang: HEY! Bumi and I used to egg the palace! Let's go!

Katara: Are you sure we won't get in trouble?

Aang: Your'e right, that is a dumb idea! Bumi and I would have NEVER done something as stupid as that!

Katara: phew.

Aang: We used to crash the mail carts into each other and destroy the entire town!

Katara: WHAT?

Sokka: YEAH! LET'S GO!

( they destroy the entire town, get caught, Sokka pees his pants, and they are brought to the palace)

Omashu soldier: Hey uh, king dude, yeah well we found these dudes destroying the city. What do we do?

King: Well, what did we do with the last group of children?

Omashu soldier: Uh.. Molested them sir.

King: WHAT! NO NO!! The child protection agency is visiting today, and why would we want to give them any suspicion?? HUH? Heh… heh…. And besides, this 'old man' is the avatar, so I'm just going to mess with him for a little while.

Aang: Hey! How did you know?

King: When you have snorted as many drugs as I have, you'll never miss a thing!

Sokka: WHOOO HOOO!

King: OK, I'm just going to cut to the chase and then change into an even more ridiculous outfit… Aang, I'm going to kill your friends unless you complete my ultimate challenge!

Aang: WHAT??

Katara: (being dragged away) Hey! Where are these soldiers taking us?

Sokka: (being dragged away as well) I don't know, but my hiney is chafing!

Katara: Oh sokka! Is your butt all you think about?

Sokka: …. Maaaaybe.

(they disappear)

King: And Now Aang, prepare for the most dangerous challenge of them all!

Aang: Wha- ( is dropped through a trap door, lands in a large arena pit.)

King: (from balcony) And Now Avatar! You must face the most horrifying monster of them all!

(large stomps in the background)

King: The Almighty… TAYLOR!

(Taylor appears from underground.)

Sokka: ( in cage behind Taylor,) HAHAHA!! OH MY GOSH! AANG, YOU CAN BEAT HER! SHE'S A MIDGET! How tall are you honey? 4 feet?

Me: ( getting angry) 4 foot 11

Sokka: HAAA HAAA HAAA!!

Aang: Look, Taylor, I'm not trying to insult you but you're gonna be easy to beat… you are just a little girl!

Me: Just… a…little… GIRL!! ( turns into a giant monster with really huge teeth)

Aang: oh… crap. (runs)

Me: RAAAAWRRRRGH!! ( chases)

Katara: Come on Aang! You need to use your brain!

Aang: Hey wait…. Taylor is a… ZUTARIAN! Hey Taylor! I have great news!

Me: Rawr?

Aang: Yeah, Zuko's outside and he needs help writing his proposal to Katara. He says if he doesn't get some assistance soon he'll have to stab himself!

Me: HOLD ON ZUKO! I'M COMING!! ( runs out of the arena by bashing a huge hole in the wall and running outside)

King: Holy crap. I can't believe it!

Aang: That I won?

King: No! That Zuko is outside! I need his underpants for the Earth Kingdom scavenger hunt!

Aang: …. Yeah, let Katara and Sokka go and I'll take you to him.

King: But wait!

Aang: What is it?

King: I'm actually your best friend from 100 years ago, Bumi.

Aang: OMG! BUMI! IS IT REALLY YOU? ( begins to cry)

Bumi: Yeah yeah nice to see you too, now I'm off to find Zuko! ( runs outside through Taylor's opening.)

Katara: (is free) Yay Aang you did it! But… what's Zutara?

Aang: Something that is really bad. Really really bad!

Sokka: Agreed Aang, Agreed!

Katara: It sounded kinda cool though…

Aang: NO! It is NOT cool at all!

Katara: but… Z! It starts with a Z so it must be sexy!

Sokka: Katara… you need help… lots and lots of help.

…..

Yay! I made me debut! :D


	7. Chapter 7: Imprisoned

Ok there is to be NO PERVERSION WHATSOEVER In this installment

Ok there is to be NO PERVERSION WHATSOEVER In this installment.

Have a happy day! :D

…..

Katara: Hey Aang, we need some food, I'm hungry.

Aang: Yeah, I'm kind of hungry too.

Sokka: (gnawing off arm) Hmm?

Aang: Hey! What's all of that banging?

Sokka: (Getting scared) Oh I so hope that there aren't scary trolls here! They are going to take me and eat me! Boil me inside their cauldron of EEEVIL!!

Katara: No, it's an earth bender! HEY EARTHBENDER! YOU HAVE NICE LEGS!

Haru: El Gasp! I have been discovered! I must flee, sexily! ( flees) (A cookie to guess what I quoted!)

Katara: Hey… where did he go? He was hot!

Sokka: ZOMG! She's finally over Zuko!

Katara: (twitches) Zuuuuuuukooooooo….(drools.)

Aang: Aw man!

Katara: Let's follow this trail of hair products he left behind! (follows trail)

Later at the Town of Whatsitsname!

Haru: Hello mother. Do you have that pink hairbrush I requested earlier today?

Haru's mommy: (takes a drag) ugh! You are the neediest kid! Get me a shot of vodka and I'll get you the brush you pansy!

Haru: I love you too!

Katara: (bursts open the door of Haru's house.) There you are Hot Earthbender!

Aang: (panting) Katara… why…run…so…fast?

Sokka: Holy Crap Aang, you're an Airbender! You can run faster than the wind!

Aang: Yeah... about that, Airbenders can't really run. We just snort some Crack; it'll get us hyped up.

Sokka: Wow, now I know.

Random People: CAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! (leaves)

Haru's Mommy: Haru? Were you Earth bending again?

Haru: Uhhhh…. No.

Haru's Mommy: Oh yeah you were! You are in BIG trouble! Take off your shirt and get the wire hangers while I chug down this Brewsky. (Swigs beer)

Katara: Hey, Haru, Why don't we get the hangers from outside? (Winks)

Haru: Oh I catch your drift! (Walks outside with Katara)

Haru's Mommy: (looking and Sokka and Aang) Hey, when did cousin Albert and Loretta get here?

Sokka & Aang: WTF?

Sokka: I get to be Albert!

Haru's Mommy: Yeah. That's you, Albert, you always had the same dumb expression on your face… Let's go have a family Reunion with my cousin Beer Cooler!

MEANWHILE…

Katara: Wow Haru, you are so hot.

Haru: I know I am. (sigh) I wish my father was here to drool over me too…. I am soo SEXY!

Katara: (sigh) I wish my mommy was here, she died in a firenation raid. She gave me this bling right here. (points to necklace)

Haru: OOOH! That looks FABULOUS! Yeah, My dad got sent to rehab, he was smoking pot.

Katara: Pot? OH you mean that stuff that Sokka uses to get 'buff'

Haru: Those are steroids…. They make someone manly and tough… soo... manly (drools)

Katara: Wait….. I used some of that stuff too. (feels upper lip) OH GOD I HAVE A MOUSTACHE! ( runs to the store to get a razor)

Haru: Yeah…. I'm going home. (goes home, walks in the door) MOM! WHAT'S GOING ON?

Haru's Mommy: (drunker than usual) Alfonzo, I told you to… get me a…. apple pie.

Sokka: ( drunk): How… many… fingers… are on…. Appa?

Aang: (drunk as well) ….2! (holds up 3 fingers)

Sokka: No! You….you... stupid head! (slaps Aang) there are this many! (Holds up 9 fingers) You….should be… ASHAMED!

Aang: WHAAAAAH! (cries)

Door: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Haru: Uhh… I'll guess I'll get it… SEXILY! (opens door)

Police Man: Yes we are here to arrest someone at this address for Drunken Living, Child Abuse and Prostitution.

Haru: _Oh no, I must save my mother! Wait…. Yes I must save her!_ It was Me officer!

Police Man: Really? You? But you're so, Sexy!

Haru: Yes, It was me.

Police Man: (Flirtatiously) Well we've got a special jail for you, you bad boy!

Haru: Who knew doing the right thing was so rewarding? (leaves)

THAT NIGHT!

Aang: Ugh… I hate Hangovers!

Sokka: Yo, me too bro!

Katara: (shaving upper lip) Well it's your fault anyway!

Sokka: Hey… Where's Haru?

Aang: I saw him go with this firenation guy…. After he slapped him on the butt. It was weird!

Katara: (Drops razor) Oh no! They've taken Haru to prison! It must have been for his earthbending and it's all my fault!

Aang: Yeah that's right Katara! Blame yourself! That's the solution to all of your problems, take me for example! (smiles)

Sokka: So are we going to rescue him?

Katara: Yes! In fact…. He even left another trail of hair products! (follows trail again)

LATER AT PRISON

Haru: Oooh, so many sexy men, but I am still the sexiest of them all! (drools)

Katara: Haru! I'm here to spring you!

Haru: Katara you shouldn't be here! This place…. isn't for your kind of people.

Katara: (Gasps) Racist!

Haru: I mean you aren't allowed here, you won't be accepted.

Katara: Oh so your little 'club' can't accept our friendship? Fine you racist pig (chucks necklace at him) I hope you rot in racist hell! (Leaves)

Haru: Wow, that was weird….

Zuko: (walks in) Ugh… the things I have to do to get more workers. YO! ANY OF YOU GUYS WANT TO DO SOME HARD LABOR FOR A SCARRED FREAK?

Everyone: ?

Iroh: No...no...no... You have to do it like this! ANYONE INTERESTED IN SERVING ON A SHIP FOR MANY MONTHS WITH ONLY AN OLD GUY AND A SEXY TEENAGE PRINCE?

Everyone: SIGN ME UP!

Zuko: Hey, what's this? (Picks up necklace) It looks like… but just to make sure… (Smells it) Smells like, Obsessive-ness. Oh yeah, it's her.

……

:D


	8. Chapter 8: Winter Solstice part 1

Winter Solstice

Winter Solstice.

I was going to put the 2 episodes together, but since this one was so freakin long that I decided not to.

Happy reading! :D

…

Aang: Omg dudes. What are we doing? I forgot.

Sokka: We're going to the North Pole remember? So you can learn water bending?

Aang: Oh yeah… HEY WHAT'S THAT?

Sokka: The whole forest has burned down! It looks like a giant scar.

Katara: Scar…. Zuuuuuukoooo. Must have Zuuuukooooo!

Aang: Aw gosh, now look what you've started!

Sokka: Sorry, It's not my fault she's obsessed with the guy!

Appa: _Oh Momo?_

Momo: Whut?

Appa: _I was wondering… I was on the Inter-web earlier and I found this thing called 'shipping'…_

Momo: Yo _Dawg, whutz your point?_

Appa: _What do you ship? Kataang or Zutara?_

Momo: _Whut?_

Appa: _Those are the shipments, I didn't get to read it all, but which one sounds better to you?_

Momo: _Aw, I guess Zutara cause it sounds sexy_.

Appa: _I pick Kataang, because Aang's name is on the back! I absolutely adore that avatar!_

Momo: _Dude, you too pathetic. I should create a ship! Apaang_!

Appa: _Oh that's just delightful! I will ship that always_!

Momo: _Aw dang. T-T_

Aang: Aw, I' so sad, I must roll around in the ash to make myself emo.

Me: HEY!

Aang: Sorry, Sorry, didn't mean to offend you oh great Emo writer!

Me: You better be!

Aang: Heh, heh… (lands) Oh poor poor soil! (rolls around on the ground) I feel your undying pain! You have been raped by the fire! I wish I could only resurrect you from this gray and lifeless ash! I feel as if I myself am dying inside from just being around you. The rocks are colder, trees slump in despair, and if only you were to be alive and green again! That would truly…..

Katara: ZOMG! SHUT UP! (gives Aang acorn) here take this.

Aang: What is this supposed to be?

Katara: I dunno, it's an acorn. But I saw a squirrel getting friendly with it so I thought you might like it.

Aang: I shall treasure it always!

Sokka: Hey, it's an old man! Let's shoot him!

Katara: Shoot him with what?

Sokka: A gun… like you know Zuko had to shoot you with back in Kyoshi Island?

Aang: But Sokka, there are no guns here! This is a rural Asian country, in which we write in an Asian language, but we somehow speak English.

Old man: Please, bald brat, my village needs you!

Aang: Will you pay me?

Old man: No.

Aang: Ok, let's go!

MEANWHILE… IN ZUKO'S WORLD!

Zuko: UUUNCLE! Where are you?

Iroh: Shaddup, I'm in this geyser!

Zuko: Oh no! Iroh, are you stuck again? I'll get the butter and the whip!

Iroh: Thank you for your offer but I'm fine! I'm…. relaxing in this hot spring!

Zuko: Oh… Dear lord! You're… NAKED! And who knows what you're doing in there! Just be back at the ship in 30 mins, or else the crew will start doing those…. 'things' again.

Iroh: Slow your roll Senior Cranky butt! I'll be there!

Zuko: Ugh, you'd better!

BACK AT THE WIMPY LITTLE VILLAGE OF YOURMOM!

Old man: See, there's this monster dude that takes away your town's virgins each and every night. Can you kick his ass for us, oh great and peaceful Air monk?

Aang: I'll try old man, I'll try.

MEANWHILE

Iroh: Wow, I was in there for a long time. Well, hello there Mr. Squirrel! My my! Aren't you affectionate?

Earth Kingdom soldier 1: Oh my god! He's molesting a squirrel! Arrest him!

Iroh: I was not! Since when is stroking behind the ears molesting?

Earth Kingdom soldier 2: When 'behind the ears' is the tail area. 'Let's go General Iroh!'

Iroh: Aw crap. I've done it again!

MEANWHILE

Aang: There it is!

Hei-Bai: Rawr. _I' m gonna take all of the virgins_!

Aang: Oh no! I must stop him! (hits with stick)

Hei-Bai: RAWR! _Ok, you are too stupid to care about, so I will ignore you_!

Sokka: Oh no! Aang's getting whooped! I have to help! (Runs to Aang's rescue)

Katara: (sarcastically) No. Sokka. Stop.

Hei-Bai: Rawr. _Hey look! I'm gonna take you with me!_ (Picks up sokka and runs)

Sokka: Wait? How am I a virgin? HELP ME!

Aang: Sokka! I'll' save you! (Puts on superman cape)

Hei-Bai: I'm going to disappear inside this rock now! (Disappears inside rock)

Aang: Aw crap. What am I going to do now? I know! I'll sit on top of the rock and look constipated!

MEANWHILE!

Zuko: UNCLE! The crew just watched Moulin Rouge, and it is NOT pretty! Please get off of your butt and teach them how to can-can properly!... Hey, UNCLE WAS CAPTURED! I'll save you! (Puts on superman cape and follows the trail of Uncle Iroh!)

MEANWHILE!

Aang: Hey…. I'm all blue-y! Yeah!

Fang: Rawr. Get _on my back kid! I have candy!_

Aang: Hey, you're Roku's dragon!

Fang: Rawr. Yeah _get on my back before you ride in my mouth_!

Aang: Ok, I'll get on your back!

Fang: Finally you twit! (they fly!)

Aang: So… when the light hit's Roku on the solstice… I'll be able to do da cha–cha with him?

Fang: _Sure. Why not_. (they fly home)

MEANWHILE!

Iroh: You put me in a diaper. You guys suck.

Earth Kingdom soldier 1: No dur.

Zuko: Uncle! I am here to rescue you! (kick soldiers In the groin)

Earth Kingdom solider 2: Oh.. dear… lord. (passes out)

MEANWHILE!

Hei-Bai: Rawr! I want more virgins!

Aang: No! Have this Acorn!

Hei-Bai. Ok. (leaves)

Sokka: Oh my god. That was scary.

Katara: Why? Where you raped?

Sokka: No! WORSE! He made all play CHESS! And watch educational television!

Aang: That's rough buddy.

…

Omg. That last line was Zuko's from Boiling rock! YAY!


	9. Chapter 9 : Winter Solstice part 2

Part 2 everyone

Part 2 everyone!

Enjoy this while you can….

…

Katara: Ok, Aang run this by me again, we're going to a possibly deserted island in the deadly Firenation to do what?

Aang: Oh just to do da cha cha with former Avatar Roku's dead corpse. And hopefully we can sing the entire Avenue Q CD on karaoke!

Sokka: OMJEEBUS! I LURV AVENUE Q!! When I grow up I want to be just like Trekkie monster!

Aang: And when I grow up, I want to be just like Princeton! (eyes Katara) And guess who's gonna be my Kate?

Katara: Britney spears?

Aang: Ha! No! She would be my Lucy!

Sokka: Lucy the Slut?

Aang: Yeah…

Katara: WHO cares about Avenue Q anyway? It's just overgrown Sesame Street!

Aang Sokka & Me: GASP!

Me: How dare you! I might just make that moustache of yours grow back!

Katara: (covering upper lip) No please! SPARE MY FEMININE-NESS!

Me: I will show mercy on you this one time Katara. If I wasn't a Zutara shipper, you would have been annihilated.

Katara: (bows) Oh thank you great emo pwnage writer!

Appa: _Momo, my good chum, what does 'pwnage' mean?_

Momo: _Dang dawg! You ain't neva heard of video game lingo_?

Appa: _What is this 'video game' which you speak of_?

Momo: _Ugh, You ain't neva gonna last a day on da streets A- man_!

Appa: (snivel) _I know… : (_

Katara: OH NO! The firenation Calvary!

Sokka: (gigglesnort) Silly Katara, we aren't headed for the Firenation Calvary! Calvary is on ostrich-horses silly-billy!

Aang: You're right Sokka! We are headed straight into the Firenation Navy! And they have all fo their firenation catapults pointed straight at us!

Sokka: Oh. Well. I think we should fly around in complicated patterns now.

Aang: Yes, yes, that would be good.

Appa: _CHARGE!_

(they fly)

MEANWHILE!

Zuko: Looky up there Uncle! It's the Avatar, the Monkey, and the Obsessed Maniac! They're flying right above us!

Iroh: Looky Zuko! There's the Firenation Armada, lead by Admiral Zhao, to arrest you for violating your banishment!

Zuko: OH! Looky Uncle! An otter! Let's watch it play in the water like a small child and forget about all our problems!

Iroh: You need counseling kid.

Zuko: Yeah yeah uncle. That's really getting old! Now I'm going to watch this otter while Fred Flintstone sees you to the door.

Iroh: What the hell?

MEANWHILE at that one island!

Aang: Wow, I'm sure glad we're here and not on an island with an active volcano… Oh darn it!

Sokka: it's Ok Aang. Just ask yourself, what would Stewie Griffin do?

Aang: BLAST! VILE WOMAN! VICTORY IS MINE! How does that help?

Sokka: I just like to see you do Stewie impressions! I mean, you do have the same little bald head….

Katara: Sokka, you watch way too many cartoons!

Sokka: Hey we're a cartoon aren't we?

Katara: No, we are a clever hybrid of Korean anime and American style.

Aang: Will you two just shaddup and let's go find Roku and my red pumps!

MEANWHILE

Zhao: Oh my god, you have GOT to be kidding me. It's that Freak in his little toy boat trying to break through the armada. God? Are you messing with me?

God: Oh you just wait until the season finale Zhao.

Zhao: O-O ok, I'll contemplate that and let zuko pass.

Zuko: Ah Ha! My clever otter-watching skills have prevailed me again!

Iroh: Sure they have, sure they have….

MEANWHILE

Aang: Who are you and why do you have a funny hat? Are we going to do a mariachi dance?

Kaja: Hey! You're the avatar! You must be wanting to party with Avatar Roku's corpse!

Aang: Wow, you know everything!

Kaja: Yeah, I know so much that I'll open up this wall for you! (opens wall) Let's go inside this secret tunnel!

Sokka: (twitches) I have a terrible feeling in my lower left arm that I will be hearing that over and over and over…..

Momo : Secret tunnel! Secret tunnel! Whoo! Dang dawg! That is ONE pimp daddy song right thur!

Kaja: Here we are… oh crap I forgot about the 5 dragon mouth lock. How are we ever going to get it open?

Aang: Wait… 5 dragon MOUTHS? I think I have an idea….

Later

Katara: Um Aang, I don't see how this is going to work.

Aang: Sure it will! My genius plan is well… genius! 5 mouths are stuffed with each of the 5 food groups! Meat, Vegetables, Fruit, Wheat and Dance!

Sokka: Everything a growing water tribe warrior needs!

(the doors open)

Katara: So, Are you ready to see avatar Roku?

Aang: (lugging karaoke machine) I was born ready! (enters)

Roku: (wearing afro) Whazzup my groovy man!

Aang: Avatar Roku! It's me in a past life! Wow, nice fro!

Roku: And you will have yours too, in due time.

Aang: Yeah, I was thinking of that. I heard Mike and Bryan talking about my hair for season 3. Anyway, what was it you wanted to tell me? Because I brought Avenue Q and my cha cha heels.

Roku: Well, Aang, let me summarize this in this poem… please, sit down on my hemp-woven rug!

Aang: Um... Ok. (sits)

Roku: Ahem. Year after Year the war's been ragin'. The Fire Nation, the one to blame. Sozin, a real foxy dude, looked up at the sky and said 'Am I high?'. There was a comet blazin' and a blazin' bringing power to the fireheads like weed. They lifted their hands, said 'Bow before me' and torched the other elements to ash….

Aang: Ok, this isn't making any sense. What are you trying to say?

Roku: That a deadly comet is coming this summer, and if you don't take down the man before it comes, the world will become a pile of ash.

Aang: Oh... Nice to know.

MEANWHILE

Zhao: Well, well, well. Look who we have here. Prince Zuko and a couple of water tribe brats.

Zuko: Aw crap. I knew this was going to end badly.

Katara: (drools) hello again sexy Z-man!

Zuko: ZHAO! PLEASE! TIE HER TO THAT PILLAR!

Zhao: I'd never thought I'd see the day when I took orders from you, but ok. (everyone gets tied up)

Sokka: Oh now look what you did you psycho bitch!

Zuko: hey wait, I didn't say to tie me to a pillar! What's going on?

Zhao: Everyone here who doesn't have sexy sideburns is going to jail!

Fire Sages: Hey! We helped drag your butt up here! We're going to jail too?

Zhao: Yes. Because you aren't sexy!

Katara: Hey! Zuko's plenty Sexy! He should stay!

Zuko: Uh… thanks.

Katara: now tell me I'm sexy so I can stay too!

Zuko: I'd rather not.

Katara: SAY IT OR I'LL PUT BRUISES ALL OVER YOUR HAWT BODY!

Zuko: Ok, ok, ok! You're… sexy.

Zutarians: WHOOOOOOOOOT! (Dance party)

Zhao: No matter how sexy you two say you are, you are not going to be free!

Zuko: Crap.

Katara: Sexy Z-man says 'crap'.

MEANWHILE

Aang: Oh no! Roku! There's firenation soldiers out to steal the love of my life, and Katara! We have to do something!

Roku: I know exactcaly what do! ( gets out Avenue Q CD.) Do you have the karaoke machine?

Aang: :D! ALWAYS!

MEANWHILE

Zhao: Look! The doors are opening!

(doors open)

Roku &Aang: (badly out of tune) What do you do with a BA in English? What is my life going to be? 4 years of college, and plenty of knowledge, have earned me this useless degree!

….

It sucks to be Me! It sucks to be You! But not when we're together! We're together, here on avenue Q!

….

If you were gay! That would be Ok. I mean cause hey! I'd like you anyway!

….

The internet is for PORN!

….

SCHADENFREUDE!

….

There's a fine, fine line between love! And a waste of tiiiiiiiime!

Roku: Farewell Aang. I'll be back. (leaves)

Sokka: Wow, you just sang the Entire musical. That was….. long.

Aang: Oh look! Katara's crying because my singing was so beautiful!

Katara: (bawling) Z…Z… Zuko! Gnawed through his chains and… LEFT! WHAAAH!

Sokka: I swear Girl, I will hit you on the head so hard that you forget all about that dude!

Aang: Well. We need to get out of here. THE VOLCANO'S ABOUT TO BLOW! (leaves)

Sokka: Ahem! Aang! We're still tied here!

Katara: Oh puh-leeze. We'll just get ourselves out of here just like Z…. WHAAA!

….

Finally! That's done!

:D

And P.S. Let this be known now that I believe that the Sozin's comet book is in fact a fake. I'm not just A Zutarian in denial, it just seems too fishy to me. And besides, it wasn't even written by Mike and Bryan anywayz!


	10. Chapter 10: The Waterbending Scroll

This is for all the Zutarians out there!

It's what we've all been waiting for! (no not the death of kataang) 

THE WATERBENDING SCROLL EPISODE! ( fangirls squee in the background)

And if you are A kataanger, I'll warn you when the Zutarian goodness is arrived, so you can skip over it! ^_^ Aren't I considerate!

Oh and P.S. there will be a surprise ending….

…

Sokka: Aang! Sit down! If we hit a bump, you'll go flying off, even though we're in the air and there is no possible chance there's a bump in the 'road'

Appa: _Ah yes, finally this old chap is making some sense! I guess traveling on my back has rubbed off some intelligence!_

Aang: It's what Roku said through puffs of his bong! If the comet comes and I'm not ready, everyone will be dead! DIE DIE DIE! DEATH IS COMING! EVERYONE RUN TO THE SHELTER!

Katara: Oh shaddup. I'll teach you some of my pimpstickity skillz if you will just shut your trap!

Sokka: Wait… Katara. Did you sleepover at Taylor's house again?

Katara: Mayyybe! Why would I tell you, you freak of nature!

Sokka: Oh yeah. She did.

Aang: Katara, Taylor's house is a dangerous place! There's dead bodies scattered all over her front lawn!

Katara: Nuh-uh! Those are fertilizers for her monster Venus flytraps, you numbnuts!

Me: Meh. I need to get some new fertilizers. I heard that children make the best ones!

Katara: Oooh! Can I help you shop?

Me: Sure!

Sokka: Hey! Go away! You're corrupting my sister!

Me: I can't go away, I'm the writer!

Aang: Well can you please just stay in your little writing hole and be quiet?

Me: Give me some nachos and I will!

Momo: _Fine, you can have my stash. Even tho, that wuz my lunch_!

Me: Thanx Momo! For that, I'm going to get you a girlfriend! Bye!

Momo: _Heh heh, it pays to kiss up to da man_!

Sokka: Whatever. Let's just land and you two can splash around in the water… plus we need food anyway.

(they land)

Katara: Ok, Aang. This is called a pushy- pulley water thingy. Just do what I do.

Aang: Um... OK.

Katara: Even though I'm from the South side and can totally pwn joo at this crap because…. Hey how did you get so good?

Aang: Cause I do drugs maybe?

Katara: Yeah… that's it… Hey this is called make a snaky out of water. See. You probably can't do this because….

Aang: Look at me I'm a cowboy! ( whips snake around like a lasso) I'm so gay, yet tough at the same time!

Me: Watch your mouth or I'll shoot you, you northern punk!

Katara: Ok Mr. I'm so awesome and watery! Here's an awesome move, I'd like to call, THE WAVE SO HUGE IT COULD TAKE DOWN CHUCK NORRIS!

Me: Grrr…

Aang: you mean like this? (does wave)

Surfer dude: KOWABUNGA DUDE!

Sokka: Oh what a beautiful mooorning! Oh what a beautiful daaay! Guys I just got done watching this really lame musical about this one gay state!

Me: THAT IS IT! PREPARE TO DIE! (sends tornado after them) TASTE THE STING OF OKLAHOMA!

Katara: RUN TO THE MARKET PLACE!

(they flee)

Sokka: Hey guys... what happened to our money? We had at LEAST 20 gold pieces from the money King Bumi gave us… now there's only 3 copper!

Aang: Make that two, I bought a bison whistle! Listen! ( blows)

Bison Whistle: Oops I did it again! I played with your heart, got lost in the game oh baby baby…

(from far away)

Appa: _Oooh dear! What is that awful song? It's so sirenic! I…I… must resist!_

(back to the market)

Sokka: Still, what happened to all our money?

Me: Have a taste of what it was like in the Dustbowl days, bitches!

Katara: See? THIS is what happens when we diss the writer's turf! 

Momo: _Heh, YOU dissed 'er. I got myself some points with 'er! She luvs me!_

Aang: AAAAH! THE TORNADO'S BACK!

Katara: Quick, take shelter in that pirate ship!

(on the pirate ship.)

Pirate Captain: What the… Why are there kids on my boat?

Squirrelly pirate: There's a tornado outside sir, they're taking shelter… even though, if there was a tornado, we should be underground, not out in the water….

Pirate Captain: Wow, you guys must have pissed off the writer!

Sokka: Yeah… we made fun of Oklahoma.

Squirrelly Pirate: Serves you right! It's one of the best states there is!

Katara: Hey… that's a waterbending scroll! We needed one of those!

Pirate Captain: That piece of junk? It was free, but since you all dissed the great OK, then It's not for sale!

Aang: Aw come on! I need it!

Pirate Captain: Too bad! Now get out!

(they leave)

Sokka: Well that was eventful.

Katara: Yeah.. let's get out of here.

Aang: Aw Katara! If the tornado comes back, I'll protect you!

Katara: I don't need protecting Aang. It's not like some guy is going to kidnap me and tie me to a tree or anything.

Aang: Yeah you're right.

Sokka: TORNADO! RUN!

Aang: Hope on my glider! We'll outrun it!

Tornado: Look! A cart! I'm gonna destroy it!

Cabbage man: MY CABBAGES!!!

(LATER)

Sokka: Wow. What a rush.

Katara: Yup. Now let's practice with my new waterbending scroll!

Aang: (gasp) You stole it! We're in enough trouble already, pissing off the most powerful thing controlling our lives and then you go and do THIS?

Katara: Aw, c'mon! It was free wasn't it? It's not technically stolen if it was free! And besides, you want to learn waterbending don't you?

Aang: yeah….

Katara: Good!

MEANWHILE

Zuko: Uncle. This is so stupid. We're wasting time! We caught the avatar's trail and now he's getting away! And for WHAT?

Iroh: But Zuko… This Is IMPORTANT!

Zuko: Uncle, you're a GUY! Dudes don't need pregnancy tests!

Iroh: But ZUKO! I missed my cycle!

Zuko: YOU ARE A MAN!

Iroh: Oh so THAT doesn't mean I can't get emotional at times?

Zuko: UGH!

Pirate Captain: Hey we have pregnancy tests on the ship. Just don't piss off the writer like the bald kid earlier.

Zuko: That bald kid… Did HE steal my underwear?

LATER

Katara: Ok, I'm just going to steal a few things and then sneak back into my sleeping bag. Wow, who knew I was such a kleptomaniac? ZOMG! It's Zuko's ship! I'd better go glomp him!

Zuko: (grabs her) Gotcha! I'll save you from the pirates!

Katara: Hello sexy!

Zuko: … Oh shi-. What have I done?

COMMERCAIL!

Head on! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Head on! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Apply Directly to the Forehead! Apply Directly to the Forehead!

OK COMMERCIAL OVER!

And Kataangers… shut your eyes.

Katara: Oooh! I like where this is going! (struggles at rope bounds) I've been a bad girl haven't I Zuko?

Zuko: Ok, I can do this…. (takes deep breath) Where's the avatar?

Katara: Forget him! Why don't you have your way with me like you know you want to?

Zuko: D: I can't do this….

Zutarians: YES YOU CAN!!!

Me: Zuko, you are so pathetic. Here, take these.

Zuko: What's this?

Me: Man pills. TAKE THEM! NOW!!!

Zuko: Ok OK! (takes pills) Oh god… what's happening to me… hey where did my shirt go??

Katara: Ooooohhh… me likey!

Zuko: Wha… (epiphany) Hey, where did this totally hawt water chick come from?

Katara: I've been here all this time baby! Only problem is, I've got all of these clothes... you wanna see all of my super hawtness?

Zuko: Oooohhhh yeaaaahhhh.

Iroh: BOW CHICKA WOW WOW!!!! (does happy dance)

Kattangers who are peeking: Zuko's straying away from the main point of his journey! What the frick is he doing?

Zutarians: SHUT UP!!!! You have the entire series, let us have this one parody spoof!

(Meanwhile)

Aang: MY KATARA'S MAKING OUT WITH ANOTHER DUDE SENSES ARE TINGLING!

Sokka: You don't think she's finally raped Zuko do you?

Aang: Well, I'm not going to just sit here on my bum and find out! Katara! I'm coming to rescue you!!! (runs off)

Sokka: (gigglesnort) He said bum.

(Later)

Aang: Look! It's Zuko's ship!

Sokka: So it is.

Aang: OMG! Theres steam on the windows! You know what that means!!!! (faints)

Appa: _Momo, what on earth are you doing?_

Momo: _Taking pictures yo! Do you have ANY idea what a Zutarian would pay for this stuff fo shizzle?!?_

Appa: _Bah. Zutara is frivolous._

Kataangers who are peeking: YAY!

Me: Appa, this is EXACTLY why you aren't getting any girlfriends.

Sokka: What was that? Zuko's hand pressing up against the window suddenly, sliding down out of reach as if he were… OH MY GOD! (faints as well)

(Meanwhile)

Katara: Do it again, Zuko! Do it again!

Zuko: OK! (shoots fire at the water Katara is bending)

Katara: YAY! We made steam again!

Zuko: Tee hee, this is fun.

Katara: Yeah, I thought it was gonna be a bummer after your man pills wore off just before you started groping me, but this is fun just being a crack head with you and stuff.

Zuko: You wanna see crack head? (pulls out white stuff) I'll show you crack head.

Katara: Where did you get that?

Zuko: My Great-grandpa Sozin and Avatar Roku were bffs back in the day.

Katara: WOOT! Light her up and let's smoke/snort old dude crack!

(Later)

Katara: Bye Zuko… oh god I am sooooo baked.

Aang: (waking up.) YOU SLUT!

Katara: Wha… when did the friendly mushroom get here?

Aang: Come on Katara, we're going home!

Sokka: (Waking up too) OHHH! How was losing your virginity Katara?

Aang: Shut up Sokka, we're leaving.

Katara: We're going to candy moouuuuunnntain Charlie!!!!!

…

I didn't put where the Kataangers could look, but since yall had your eyes closed you wouldn't see it anyway. Just scroll up and stop whenever you see something that's too "EWW! ZUTARA!" and just read on from there.


	11. Episode 11: Jet

Hey guys!

Guess what? One of my good fans Subaki-Chan gets a cookie for guessing where the Haru quote came from! :D

Yay for him/her!!!

I'm pretty sure that more of you guessed it before he/she did, but I can't remember you. I'm sorry, but you get cookies anyway!

…

Aang: Why the frick are we walking through the dangerous and spooky woods when we could fly over it like we've been doing all along?

Katara: These woods are not spooky.

Squirrel: BOO!

Aang: AHHHH! DEMON SQUIRRELL!!!

Squirrel: Hey, you would be angry too if you were touched inappropriately by an old fire nation man!

Sokka: Wait, a firenation man? You mean there are firenation people here?

Katara: Sokka, when will you get with the program? There are firenation people EVERYWHERE. What do you think the entire concept of conquering the world means?

Sokka: … winning the world's biggest game of Pai Sho.

Aang: But seriously, why are we walking where we could be in the air where firenation people are not?

Me: Oh you just wait until you get to the Northern Air Temple.

Katara: Oh look, we ran into Fire Nation soldiers. What a shocking surprise!

Firenation people: Hey! Kids who are not firenation! They could not possibly hurt us in any way because they are merely children. But they are not firenation. And firenation is badass. KILL THEM!

Sokka: Oh no! We are going to die! Even though it would be really crappy for the series to end this way!

Me: …just you wait.

(Cue super-hero music)

Jet: Hello there beautiful girls who are not firenation! I am here to rescue you!

Firenation people: Aw crap. Yet another child who is not firenation, but he has hero music. We are so screwed.

Jet: HA! I would not screw you because you are firenation! (Kicks firenation ass)

Firenation people: Oh no. we have been defeated. But we can't die because this is TV Y7 so we're just going to lie down and nap for a while.

Aang: That was sooo cool!!!!

Jet: Thank you miss. I'll sign your boobs if you want.

Aang: Tee hee! ^_^

Jet: Hey do all of you babes want to come to a party later?

Katara: Yeah!

Sokka: Even though we are mere children and we shouldn't go into the woods with strange men, I'm down with it!

(At the party)

Aang: Duuuudeee. You live in the trees?

Katara: That is so AWESOME!

Sokka: Why are you chewing on that wheat thing?

Jet: Because wheat is one of the main crops that are grown in Oklahoma, the state of AWESOME. And I hope, by sucking on its awesome juices, that I will become more awesome, just like Oklahoma.

Me: I LOOOVE YOOUUUUU!!!! (glomps)

Zuko: Wait… I thought you loved me!

Me: Zuko, go cry in your little emo corner, you're not even in this episode!

Katara: Yeah, in THIS episode, I'm in love with jet! SO BUZZ OFF!

Aang: I'm in love with Jet too.

Zuko: Awww…(cries in emo corner)

Sokka: Well I'm certainly not in love with him!

Jet: You wanna go out on a date tomorrow?

Sokka: YES! :D

(the next day)

Sokka: Wow, who knew that walking through the spooky woods with a strange man I don't even know could be so romantic?

Jet: Yup. I'm just that awesome.

Sokka: Wow, the only thing that would make this more romantic is if we had an old man in a clown suit.

Old Man: GET OFF MY LAWN!

Jet: Oh my god! He's FIRENATION! Stand back Sokka, I'll handle it!

Sokka: Oh you're so chivalrous!

Old Man: I said get off my…. AHHHHH!!! (Gets the crap beaten out of him)

(Later)

Katara: Look Jet! I made my dress for our wedding!

Aang: HA! It's not even near as pretty as MY dress!

Katara: Why you…(They fight)

Sokka: Oh Jet, you're so handsome.

Jet: Why, thank you.

Gaston: No one is more handsome than Gaston!

Jet: (Gasp) You look like Firenation!

Gaston: No one looks more like Firenation than Gast… AHHHHH! (Gets the crap beat out of him)

Katara, Aang, Sokka and Me: (swoon)

Jet: Oh by the way, who wants to help me blow up a dam tomorrow?

All: ME! I WANT TOO!

Zuko: Hey, wait a minute! This is NOT how the episode goes!

Jet: You are just trying to ruin my plans because you are FIRENATION!

Me: Yeah! FIRENATION SCUM!!!!

Zuko: Ok, that's it. I'm writing the story from now on.

Me: I'd like to see you try!

Zuko: There are nachos downstairs in the basement.

Me: WHEEEE!!!! (Leaves computer)

Zuko: Now it's time for me to do my duty…

Katara: Jet! You are scum for trying to kill off an entire town of innocent and awesome firenation people!

Jet: You're right, I am a horrible and not near as awesome as Zuko is!

Aang: I'm going to castrate myself now!

Sokka: I'm going to join you!

Sokka and Aang: WE HAVE NO BAAAALLLLLSSS!!!

Jet: I must throw myself off the edge of the cliff, but as my last will and testament, I leave all of my fangirls to (jumps) ZUUUUUUUUKKKKKOOOOOOO…..

Katara: Hooray! He is dead. Now I'm going to tear all of my clothes off.

Ozai: Zuko, my favorite son! I'm going to take you back home because your banishment was all a clever trick to force your sister Azula into a finishing school for koala bears!

Zuko: I love you too Daddy!

Me: (eating nachos) Zuko! What have you done to the story!

Zuko: Something I should have done a long time ago!

Me: Why you… (we fight)

…

Wow. That was screwed up.


End file.
